New Philadelphia Sermons
May 17, 2009
Worth Green, Th.M., D.Min.
9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 This I command you, to love one another. John 15:9-17
There are two great Essays on Friendship.
The first was penned by Aristotle in his Nicomachean Ethic. The second is recorded in John chapter 15 as a part of a conversation that Jesus had with his disciples.
Aristotle said that there were three levels of friendship.
Aristotle said that the first level of friendship is a friendship of convenience. You scratch my back, and I will scratch yours. You give me something I need, I give you something you need. “I got a brand new pair of roller skates, you got a brand new key.” “I got X-Box 360 and you have ‘Call to Duty IV.’”
Aristotle said that the second level of friendship is a friendship of pleasure. You and I like the same things, so we will hang together. You like baseball. I like baseball. We go to the ballpark together. You are a Moravian. I am a Moravian. We worship together here at New Philadelphia.
Aristotle said that the third and highest level of friendship is a true friendship. In a true friendship each party to the friendship wills the other party’s highest good. Let me give a relevant example. Suppose you are my friend. We have been friends for 12 years of elementary school, middle school and high school. And we have both been accepted to the same university, let’s call it Whatsamatta U. I was accepted only by Whatsamatta U. Of course, you were also accepted by Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. My selfish side wishes you could attend Whatsamatta U with me, but because we are friends, I know that you absolutely, positively must go to one of those schools that will assure your future success beyond your wildest dreams. When I help you pack for the Ivy League, I am being a true friend. You don’t owe me anything in return; but, because you, too, are a true friend, you may just give it. You don’t know it yet, but in ten years when both of my kidneys fail, you will be the first in line to give me one of yours. Of course, this is just a game of “What-if?”, but stranger things have happened. I know a Moravian preacher who gave another Moravian preacher one of his kidneys, just because they were friends.
Obviously, Aristotle had some important things to say about friendship; but he did not say it all.
The second great Essay on Friendship started as a conversation that Jesus had with his disciples that is recorded in the 15th Chapter of John’s Gospel. We do not know if Jesus read Aristotle (Footnote: 1); but we do know that, in speaking about friendship, Jesus picks up where Aristotle left off. Jesus does not deal with friendships of convenience or friendships of pleasure. He jumps right into true friendship, a friendship in which each and all parties to the friendship wills the others’ highest good. Here is what he says.
1. According to Jesus all true friendships based on love. He says, “9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love.”
You know what love is? Love is not just a warm fuzzy. Love is not just sexual attraction. Love is not just a way of feeling. Love is a way of acting. The Apostle Paul makes this clear in 1 Corinthians 13, the greatest definition of love ever written. He writes:
4 Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; 5 it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends… 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
There is a great line in the movie, “As Good As It Gets.” A man falling in love with a woman looks across the table at her and says, “You make me want to be a better man.” That’s it. A true friendship, especially friendship with Jesus Christ, makes us want to be better people.
2. According to Jesus all true friendships are respectful. He says, “If you love me keep my commandments.”
When I was a boy, I always wanted my father to be my best friend. I had other friendships, but his mattered the most.
I was going to the Dixie Classic Fair with two other friends, Don and Steve. We were planning to see the Banana Girl. Perhaps you have heard of the Banana Girl—”the more you clap the more she peels.”
Anyway, Dad drove us to the Fair. As he let me out of the car, he looked at me and said, “Remember that you are my son. Don’t go to the girlie shows.” He read my mind! Not really, he had been thirteen once. The point is, Don and Steve saw the Banana Girl but I did not. I had too much respect for my dad. I wanted his friendship above all.
Jesus said “If you love me, keep my commandments.” And what is the commandment of Jesus? He commands, “Love one another as I have loved you.”
3. According to Jesus all true friendships are faithful…unto death.
Jesus says “Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” Paul says, “Love never ends.” “A friend is one who walks in after the whole world has walked out.”
This is the ideal. Of course, not all friendships are “true friendships.” Not long ago a young lady came to me grieving over the loss of a friendship. She told of how she and her friend had once done everything together. But now—there was a distance. Sometimes they did things, but often not.
I told her about Aristotle’s levels of friendship, and I told her that she had been in a friendship of pleasure. She wanted more–true friendship, but her friend did not. She asked, “What can I do?”
I said, “You can do nothing. She has freedom. You have freedom. True friendship always offers freedom.”
Then I cautioned her not to offer more than she could deliver in her other friendships. In friendship, and in life, “Make as few promises as you can, but keep all the promises that you make.”
4. According to Jesus the friends in a true friendship have parity—they are on a level.
Jesus invites his disciples into a relationship with him and says, “No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends…”
Aristotle wrote about friendships between those who were great, and those who were not so great. He said that both parties to such a friendship should remember their stations in life.
Jesus invites his disciples to join him on a higher plane. Then he invites them to serve one another. He says, “He who would be leader of all must be servant of all.” He says, “I am among you as one who serves.”
Norman Vincent Peal tells the story of his first meeting with Henry Ford. Peal was a cub reporter. He met Henry Ford coming out of a building. Struck by Ford’s greatness, he held out his reporter’s notebook, and said, “Will you please give me your autograph?” Ford said, “Sure, what is you name, and who is your best friend?” Peal responded, “My name is Norman Vincent Peal, but he stumbled at naming his best friend.” Henry Ford took his notebook and wrote, “From Henry Ford to Norman Peal, Your best Friend is the one who brings out the best in you.”
Jesus invites us up to his level; we must take care never to drag him down to ours.
5. According to Jesus all true friendships are open.
Today, young people spend time on Face Book and Twitter telling their friends what they are doing. Jesus told his disciples exactly what he was doing. Friends have always been open with friends. Jesus was especially open with his disciples.
He says, “…all that I have heard from the father I have made known to you.”
Here is some theology. We Christians believe that Jesus of Nazareth was the Eternal Son of God incarnate, or “robed in human flesh.” We believe that he was fully Divine, but also fully human. We have long speculated what Jesus knew, and what Jesus did not know. According to this text, all that he had heard from his father, he made known to his disciples.”
What did Jesus know? He knew somethings—like that he had to die for the sins of the world, and he did not know somethings—like the time of his triumph. He said, “Of that day and hour, no one knows, not the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.”
Jesus was open in his friendship with his disciples, and we ought to be open in our friendship with one another.
Not long ago, I called my son with a bit of bad news. My father had had a stroke, from which he has since recovered. I wanted to tell my son about my father. I told my son the bad news, then I did a foolish thing. I urged him not to tell his wife. as she was still pregnant with my grandson, Worth Harrison Green who arrived on May 13th. He responded, “We don’t play that game!”
My son corrected me and he was right! True friends and true families are open with on another. We live in the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The moment we start keeping secrets from our friends (and family) we have ceased to be friends.
Billy Graham said it is impossible to be a disciple of Jesus in secret. He says, “Either the discipleship destroys the secrecy, or the secrecy destroys the discipleship.”
The openness we have with our friends ought to spill over into the world. It prepares us for living open lives.
Teddy Roosevelt was open. Commenting on leadership he said, “Leaders lead in the open. Only bosses and politicians drive from secret.”
Plato was open. A builder came to him and said, “For such and such a sum, I will build you a house in which ever room is hidden from the street.” Plato responded, “Double the sum, and build me a house in which every room is open to the street.” Plato knew that openness to all was the only way to be a friend to all.
That doesn’t mean put everything on face book! It does mean that we live in private the way that we live in public. Our true character is measured by what we do when we think no one is looking. We are not two people—we are one.
6. According to Jesus, friendship with him gives rise to other friendships.
Our circle of friends gets larger and larger. In verse 16 Jesus said, “16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide…”
What is the fruit of our relationship with Jesus? It can be measured in many ways.
It can be measured in economic terms. According to the late Pop Semands, a United Methodist missionary to India for fifty years, when an untouchable becomes a Christian, his economic status is immediately lifted. Others have given up everything to follow him.
It can be measured in intellectual terms. Dr. Dennis Kinlaw the President of Asbury College once told me that he never knew a person who became friends with Jesus, and participated in his Holy Spirit, who did not develop a love of learning.
It can be measured in physical terms. In his life time, Jesus came to heal the sick and infirm. Today those who live a Christian life, invariably live a longer life than they would do apart from Christ. I have seen this in people like Bill and Mary Frances Sides, in Bishop Iobst, in my own Father and Mother.
The fruit of our friendship with Jesus can be measured in many ways, but, primarily, the fruit of our friendship with Jesus is measured in human terms. As Christians, we get a new family, and our circle of friends grows, and grows, and grows.
Dale Carnegie wrote a book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. He said that to make a friend you have to be a friend. Likewise, to make a disciple for Jesus, we have to be disciples for Jesus.
That is about all the time we have. I would sum up by telling you that I am praying for your every success in life. Success in not measured in money. Success in not measured in fame. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that success is measured in the quality of our friendships.
If you want to make a friend, be a friend. And never, ever forget the Friend who loved you, and gave himself for you.”
FINIS
Footnote 1: Jesus was an educated man living in a cosmopolitan area. We know from Acts 17 that St. Paul was familiar with Greek poets and philosophers. We should not be surprised by the thought that Jesus was familiar with thought other than Biblical/Jewish thought.